| Friends Only |
[30 Sep 2009|01:52am] |
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mood |
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 worried |
] |
I don't know what to do. I thought that everything would be better when Scarlett woke up but in some ways it's almost like it's actually worse.
She was screaming and crying when we tried to talk to her. She said that she doesn't think she's really here, and that she's being kept somewhere by the Templar. She thinks they're torturing her in the same way that Tasha was gone all that time. It didn't seem to matter what we said because she won't believe she's not really there. She thinks the only way to get back to the 'real world' is the kill herself in this one.
My parents don't know what she's talking about. They just think she's crazy but we can't really explain. I'm so scared.
The doctors are keeping her sedated because when she wakes up properly she tries to hurt herself. I've never seen her like this before and it scares me so much. Please, can anyone help her?
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| Posted from mobile |
[25 Sep 2009|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
] |
scarletts in surgery at st marys hospital. she tried to kill herself.
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| Filtered to Nancy |
[13 Sep 2009|10:12pm] |
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mood |
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worried |
] |
She hasn't really got out of bed. She's not eating and she's not talking and dad is talking about bringing a doctor to check her out. She just lies there and stares at the wall and then sometimes she'll just start crying again.
I don't know what to do.
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| Filtered to Nancy |
[11 Sep 2009|03:11am] |
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mood |
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scared |
] |
Nancy, I'm really worried about Scarlet. The power went out for a minute tonight and Scarlett had some sort of panic attack. She wouldn't stop screaming and crying and she threw up all over James. Mum put her in the shower and she cried for so long, Nancy. And then she just lay there in mum's arms not moving like she wasn't even conscious. She's asleep now I think but she was so scared. Her lights were so scared. I don't know what to do.
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| Can't take my mind off of you |
[24 Aug 2009|03:36pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
] |
I had a dream that I was back at the commune in Canada and I was chasing a boy. I couldn't see his face and I don't know who he was, but I was chasing him and even though he was walking I couldn't catch him. I just knew that I needed to get to him. I woke up before I ever did.
I don't need to be too smart to understand what it all means.
I miss Corby. I miss being touched by someone who loves me like that. When he kissed me I knew I was loved sincerely. If I could go back and change what I did...
But there is no going back. And I lost two people because of my own selfish actions.
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[27 Jul 2009|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
I don't have tuberculosis any more. I have to still take medicine so it doesn't come back again but I get to be at home at least.
Scarlett's not home yet but I hope soon.
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| Filtered to those in the know |
[23 Jun 2009|01:13am] |
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mood |
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concerned |
] |
When I was out with Bear the other day we ran into Marietta. There was nothing bloody or anything, don't worry. But she has a baby now and she treats him like she loves him. I don't known if I should worry that she'll hurt him? Orla loves him too. His name is Heeleo, she said. (I might not have spelled that right though.)
I didn't tell Bear what she was. I sort of avoided that part.
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| Spectre photos |
[13 May 2009|12:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
These are photos that someone from Spectre took of me to go with the album I recorded on. I don't know what these are actually for but they sent me copies and I didn't want to lose them anywhere.
( photos )
It was very strange to model and I look at these photos and it's a little weird because that's not really what I look like. It looks like they've smoothed my skin out and neatened my hair and maybe made me thinner too. It's a little uncomfortable, but I like them. I don't think I'm ever going to be a 'model'
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[06 May 2009|12:41am] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
I'm going to be singing on a rock album that will be in stores and things. It's quite strange since I don't really listen to rock myself. But I was singing as a Dracula Bride which Scarlett told me all about though I haven't read the book. It's very thick and it doesn't sound like my kind of thing. But I enjoyed the singing.
Dad has a job now and he's really happy. I think we all are, because it means there is less worry in the house. Already their lights are less worried. I want them to be only happy.
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[19 Mar 2009|07:52pm] |
I've been staring at my maths all morning and I can't do it any more. I'm going to go busking instead and hopefully make a little bit of money. I don't want anyone to be worried about me so I'll keep my phone on in my pocket and I'll be at Bright Square if you need to find me.
I have a new song that I wrote a few weeks ago but I haven't actually played yet. I might try it today.
Take your sympathy and shove it
as for the pain,
well, I love it
I'll eat your words
I'll devour your soul
I will laugh like a lemur
as you crawl back into your hole
I won't deny you,
but I'll pay you no heed
And, if you keep stabbing me,
I will probably bleed
But, I'll pretend I'm a cloud
and my rain will surround you
And if you keep hurting me
I'll eventually drown you
And, yes I know
I'm a little bit off
But, you, you can't leave, you can't open the door
you think you're unique but I've seen you before
so run, run away from the fires that burn
you will do this again and again
but you will never learn
So keep looking down
as you crush me keep smiling
'cause I will get up
and there's no denying
that I am one of your punching clowns
you can keep on striking
but you can't keep me down
You always think that you
are fearless and right
but I think that you
are afraid in the night
of the ghosts, of the spirits
that crawl into your head
of the skeletons that'll haunt you
until you're dead
but, now, you can't leave, you can't open the door
you think you're unique but I've seen you before
so run, run away from the fires that burn
you will do this again and again and again and again
but, now, you can't leave, you can't open the door
you think you're unique but I've seen it all before
so run, run away from the fires that burn
but you will never learn
you will never learn
you will never learn
I promise to be back before dark.
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[16 Mar 2009|01:27am] |
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mood |
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lonely |
] |
I'm glad you're not here, Ava. I don't want you to get sick as well.
Everything is overwhelming and I don't know what to do. I feel lost and confused and scared. The people who are supposed to be the strongest aren't and I can't even turn to Ava to fix it.
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| Friends Only |
[01 Mar 2009|01:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sympathetic |
] |
I'm glad that Amaris isn't a danger to us any more. We can breathe again now.
I'm sorry about what happened to Thomas. At least he isn't gone for good though because he is with Abby and still here among us. Thomas, what you did was so brave.
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| Filtered to Miles but then quickly privated |
[24 Jan 2009|06:09pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
You make me so angry! So angry and so hurt.
You won't even talk to me since you told me how you felt, but you'll talk to any one else. We used to be friends and now you're just being hurtful and petty and cruel. You said you were in love with me but I know now that that cannot be true. No one who loved me could ever be this cruel to me.
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[08 Jan 2009|10:17pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
] |
The Kensington's are back in London now and so I have my bedroom back at the house and not the guest room at Alexei's.
Scarlett's still in France and she says she doesn't know when she's coming home.
Dad lost his job because he went away which I think it horrible because he really needed that time away. My parents say that they're going to have to really cut back on how much they spend, but I can help I'm sure. I don't use much money and I can try and make more for them by busking. Busking in winter makes less money but I still hope it will make some.
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| Filtered to Jude and Alexei |
[23 Dec 2008|07:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
Hello, Jude.
Miles invited me to your new year's eve party on the boat as his guest but since my family is in France it doesn't really work. I talked to my mum and dad though and they say that as long as I'm staying with someone like Alexei or Nancy then it would be okay if I came home while they're still in France.
Would it be okay if I stayed there with you and Alexei for a few weeks. I'd really like to come to your party. I've never even been on a boat before. The Kensington's just don't want me to be alone at home.
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[12 Dec 2008|10:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
Mum and dad are taking us all to France for a while. A lot of their friends have died and they say we all need some time away.
We're going to stay with Elise's sister but I don't know for how long.
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[04 Dec 2008|12:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 older |
] |
I'm eighteen now.
Legally I can now go out drinking or to nightclubs. If I happened to like to do those things.
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[21 Nov 2008|03:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 optimistic |
] |
Deirdre, I was wondering if it would be possible for me to join the Rocky Horror Show again? I've decided that I miss it. I miss the singing and dancing and the energy. I'd like to come back and be Janet sometimes if I can?
A man gave me twenty pounds while I was busking today. He told me I'd brightened his cold day just by being out there on his way to work. He was sweet.
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